* I generally write using the pronouns he/him when referring to narcissists, but females are just as likely to be narcissists or exhibit narcissistic traits. So please don't think just because article uses the word him or he that it could not be a woman in that same role.
No matter how much he appears to be in love with you in the beginning, as soon as the chase is over and he thinks you are completley his, he is going to hate you.
The reasons for why he hates you are myriad but this is the normal reaction that most narcissists have. (normal for narcissists, no one else) These are some of the things that stand out:
1. WEAKNESS
The fact that you fell for him makes you suspect. While he believes he is superior, he will believe you are really weak, stupid and not worthy of him.
2. IMPERFECTIONS
No matter how attractive you were to him at first, he starts noticing imperfections. Your long hair gets in his face, your short hair is too masculine. You wear too much makeup or you don’t wear enough. If you aren’t perfect, he will start to hate you.
3. CRITICISMS
Narcissists can’t take criticism. The things that you compliment him for become somehow twisted into criticism that you never meant that way. If you say “your new haircut looks nice” he will hear “your hair looked like sh*t before.” If you criticize him, he will hate you.
4. LACK OF FINANCIAL SUPPORT
Narcissists believe that if you love them, you will give them whatever they want: gifts,rent, car payments, groceries, etc. When you balk about the amount of money you are spending, he will feel unloved snd will therefore hate you.
5. BOREDOM
This is the thing that influences a narcissist more than anything. NOTHING and no one will ever be able to keep them excited for long. Sex, love, friends, sports, vacations, toys, cars, etc. It doesn’t matter. when the shine is off, boredom sets in and when you bore him, he is going to hate you.
It might have been a Narcissist who first said:Familiarity breeds contempt.
(In reality, according to Elyse Bruce of Idiomation.wordpress.com, almosteveryone has said it, including Anthony Trollope (the Victorian novelist), Chaucer, St. Augustine, the 2nd A.D. Roman philosopher Lucius Apoleis, and even earlier Aesop in his fable “The Fox and the Lion” around the 6th century B.C.)
6. Close Proximity Is Disillusioning
One of the side effects of marriage is that close proximity takes away the illusion that our mate is some magical being who does not suffer from the usual human indignities—indigestion, a runny nose, constipation.
As Narcissists are low on empathy and only value that which appears perfect and special, this exposure to their spouse’s frailties can be very disillusioning.
They thought that they married someone special and now they realize that this person is an ordinary human.
7. Narcissists Take What They Already Have For granted
Narcissists are continually searching for the next thing that will prove that they are special. Like a dog who chases a rabbit simply because it is running,
Narcissists will spend their energy chasing whatever seems to be just out of reach.
The spouse is the prize that has already been won, and for that reason, is now taken for granted.
8. Narcissists Will Treat You As Badly As You Let Them
Most Narcissists are very low on empathy and are selfish.
This, coupled with their shaky self-esteem, leads them to devalue almost anyone who will put up with that behavior.
Devaluing others helps them feel superior.
As their spouse is handy and has already been “emptied” of most of her capacity for enhancing the Narcissistic husband’s self-esteem, he will devalue her.
If she puts up with it, he will do it more often.
Eventually, he will begin to despise her precisely because she allows him to devalue her.
Conclusion
Narcissists are continually searching for new Narcissistic supplies
. When they are not able to achieve something that temporarily makes them feel superior and special, they will resort to devaluing, lecturing, criticizing, and bullying anyone who lets them get away with it.
This is often their spouse.
Read More about Narcissist Abuse and Domestic Violence
- How to Manipulate a Manipulator: Techniques for Outsmarting the Master of Manipulation
- Healing Journey: Finding Closure After Narcissistic Abuse
- Coping with Emotional Manipulation: Key Tips
- Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist: Essential Tips
- Understanding Toxic Behavior Patterns in Relationships
- Uncovering the Covert Narcissist: Key Signs of A Covert Narcissist
- Covert Narcissists’ Phrases: Things Covert Narcissists Say Uncovered
- Detachment and Narcissism: Insights and Tips
- Understanding the Law of Detachment in Psychology
- Drop Charges Against Your Boyfriend: A Guide
- Therapist’s Duty: Report Domestic Violence?
- Qualify for Disability with PTSD from Domestic Abuse
- Can You Drop Domestic Violence Charges? Find Out!
- Get a Restraining Order for Verbal Abuse: Know Your Rights
- Protective Orders for Verbal Abuse: Know Your Rights
- Jail Time for Domestic Violence: How Long?
- Dropping Domestic Violence Charges: A Guide
- Understanding What is a Domestic Dispute
- Learn How to Break a Trauma Bond with a Narcissist
- Discover Your Bonds: Take Our Trauma Bonding Test Today
- Understanding the 7 Stages of Trauma Bond: A Guide
- Understanding the Difference: Trauma Bond versus Love
- Explore Trauma Bonding Quotes – Wisdom in Overcoming Painful Bonds
- Transform Your Life with Expert Codependency Treatment
- Journey to Freedom: A Guide to Codependency Recovery
- Recognizing Codependency Symptoms: A Comprehensive Guide
- Unlock Healing with Codependency Therapy – Start Today!
- Best Codependency Books: Guidance for Healthier Relationships
Emergency Numbers
Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)is the nation’s largest organization fighting sexual violence: (800) 656-HOPE / (800) 810-7440 (TTY)
988 Mental Health Emergency Hotline: Calling 988 will connect you to a crisis counselor regardless of where you are in the United States.
911 Emergency
The National Runaway Safeline: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)
Self Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E)
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Trauma & Child Abuse Resource Center
Domestic Violence Shelters & Resources
National Center for Victims of Crime
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Network to End Domestic Violence
National Sexual Violence Resource Center
Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI, or text “HELPLINE” to 62640. Both services are available between 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. ET, Monday–Friday
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.Or, just dial 988
Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support:www.suicide.org
Crisis Text Line: Text REASON to 741741 (free, confidential and 24/7). In English and Spanish
Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
Family Violence Helpline: 1-800-996-6228
American Association of Poison Control Centers: 1-800-222-1222
National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependency: 1-800-622-2255
LGBTQ Hotline: 1-888-843-4564
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)
The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678678. Standard text messaging rates apply. Available 24/7/365. (Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning—LGBTQ—young people under 25.)
TheSAGE LGBT Elder Hotlineconnects LGBT older people and caretakers with friendly responders. 1-877-360-LGBT (5428)
TheTrans Lifelineis staffed by transgender people for transgender people:
1-877-565-8860 (United States)
1-877-330-6366 (Canada)
Veterans Crisis Line:https://www.veteranscrisisline.net
International Suicide Prevention Directory:findahelpline.com
TheStrongHearts Native Helplineis a confidential and anonymous culturally appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans, available every day from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CT. Call 1-844-762-8483.
‘Find a Therapist’ Online Directories
- Psychology Today:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
- GoodTherapy.org:http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html
- American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy:https://aamft.org/Directories/Find_a_Therapist.asp
Canada
- Emergency: 911
- Hotline: 1-888-353-2273
- YourLifeCounts.org:https://yourlifecounts.org/find-help/
UK & Republic of Ireland
- Emergency: 112 or 999
- Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate)
- Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
- Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI – local rate)
- Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
- YourLifeCounts.org:https://yourlifecounts.org/find-help/
