Inside: Create a life that you love and that your kids will remember. Easy ways to inject play into your everyday life with kids — live in the moment, live life to its fullest. 7 ways to be a more playful parent and raise happy kids.
Have you ever had the experience of meeting a stranger and connecting with them in a way that changes you?
Many years ago, I sat next to a woman on a plane, and she changed the course of my future as a parent. We began talking and realized we were both child development psychologists. But we didn’t talk about work that day — we talked about what it means to be a parent.
We talked about how it’s not about how much time you spend with your kids but rather the quality of the time you spend with them.
We were talking about connection.
She told me that the week before, she woke her kids in the predawn hours with the promise of donuts and adventure. They piled into the car, bedhead and all, and drove three hours away to the beach. They arrived just as the first pink streaks filled the sky and together they huddled under a blanket, munched donuts, and watched the sunrise over the ocean.
Just because. Just because this is our one life, and she wanted her kids to always remember THAT dayjust because. She looked me straight in the eye, and she said this:
“When you become a parent don’t forget to play– do playful things, things an “adult” would never do.”
When she said that, I got chills and a vision of the kind of parent I’d strive to be one day. Eventually, I became a parent myself, and her sunrise story always stuck with me, so 15 years later, when my son was sad to leave our beach vacation, I went and grabbed donuts, and we had a picnic on the beach at sunrise. The car was packed, and we left just after, but we left sandy and happy.
Research shows that children whose parents often engage in physical and pretend play have strong bonds with their parents and are more socially competent with their peers.
Seven Habits of Highly Playful Parents and Happy Kids
1. Master the Super-Silly Face in Response to Whining
This is a perfect response to a tired and whiny child- a shocked face or silly surprised fish face, really any silly face that shows you are surprised by their protests. Be careful not to mock their very real emotions, but show them how laughing about the small stuff makes everything easier.
Whines turn into giggles, and while all may not be solved usually, you can move on to the next thing with a little less fuss and a few more smiles.
2. Bring Play into Your Everyday Routine
Your child doesn’t want to wash their hands, put on their shoes, go outside, go to the potty, leave the playdate, and so on. Transitions from one activity to the next are hard for kids, as are everyday tasks.
They are too busy playing to stop and take care of business or move on to the next thing.
The typical response from a parent may be to talk about consequences — if you don’t brush your teeth, you will get cavities — or to engage in a power struggle.
The playful way is to just keep playing.
We play a game of ‘chasing’ the cavity germs around the mouth when we brush our teeth. You could sing or play a song to help make transitions fun. Or use a favorite toy, make the toy “talk,“ and ask your child to put on their pajamas. Or try using a story to encourage cooperation or a game to set limits.
Instead of forced conversation at the dinner table,listen to a funny podcast, take turns reading from a joke book for kids, do mad libs together, or play table topics.
3. Appreciate Little Kid Humor (even potty humor?)
Ok, admit that it was funny when your child made the ‘poop’ joke. Don’t be afraid to laugh. And I promise you, if you make a potty joke back, they will belly laugh.
Just have a rule like — potty jokes are only for home, not for preschool.
Beyond the usual potty jokes, which rarely fail, playful parents know when to infuse the day with laughter, and they know how to make their kids laugh.
4. Make Family Traditions out of Everyday Situations
Being a playful parent means appreciating the moment. Get on your child’s level and live in that moment.
This sense of presence is a gift from our children to us. It doesn’t mean you have to do anything special, but just recognize what is already happening, name it, and repeat it.
Let’s say your kids run around after dinner acting like total goofballs. You join in (leaving the dishes momentarily) and say, “It’s the Tuesday Goof-Off.” Or one afternoon, your child takes out a game they want to play while wearing their superhero cape. You say, “It’s Super-Hero Game Day!”
Join in, name it, repeat it, and boom—a new family fun tradition is born.
5. Understand that play is LOVE
I am all for connecting with your kids and having deep heart-to-hearts. That is important and cannot be discounted. But, especially with younger kids,connection happens through play.
Kids don’t tell us they had a hard day or feel lonely. They say, “Play with me, Mama.”
I fully believe in independent play — it is so important for creativity and cognitive development. But, I also believe in love and I know that if I sit with my son a little while and do my silly play, that he will feel loved.
6. Rough-House to Relieve Stress and Tension
Next time your child acts grumpy or acts out when you reunite with them after a day of school and work, try playing a physical game with them. Hide and seek, chase, a hugging game — any kind of rough-housing.
What level of rough-housing you do depends on your child’s age, temperament, and also your temperament. The point is for it to be a physical play that helps children (and adults) blow off steam and reconnect.
I love what that woman on the plane did with her kids. She was spontaneous and showed her children a beautiful part of the world.
To raise a child who can look around and see beauty in nature and the world around them is an amazing gift.
Stay up late on an air mattress in the backyard and gaze at the stars, wake up early and watch the sunrise over a lake or at the beach, have a picnic at a park for dinner on a weeknight in the summer, surprise the kids and take them to look at Christmas lights at bedtime, go camping with friends from his class for one night at a place just 20 minutes away.
Anything that shows your kids the beauty of this world. Be spontaneous and live this one life to its absolute fullest!
Want to read more? I love Child Development Psychologist Lawerence Cohen’s books. My favorite is The Art of Roughhousing, a practical how-to guide.
Playful Parenting: An Exciting New Approach to Raising Children That Will Help You Nurture Close Connections, Solve Behavior Problems, and Encourage Confidence
The Opposite of Worry: The Playful Parenting Approach to Childhood Anxieties and Fears
Well Played: The Ultimate Guide to Awakening Your Family’s Playful Spirit
The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It
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