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A parent’s influence is immense, which is why children—even as grown-ups later in life—are often a reflection of what’s been taught to them over the years. Moms and dads typically try their best to instill what they believe is right, hoping that some things will stick or become a positive habit.
A teacher and a mother of two, Payal Desai went viral on TikTok for her ways of raising her children. In a series of videos titled ‘No Dusty Sons’, she shares the valuable lessons she teaches her boys from an early age in the hopes that their future partners won’t have to deal with certain related issues. Payal’s videos—especially her signature look into the soul of the camera—created quite a buzz online and garnered over 243k followers on her TikTok account.
Image credits: payalforstyle
Payal’s videos about raising her boys attract millions of views
@payalforstyle Dust off your journal - time to write it down. #teachingoursons #funny #momsoftiktok #momlife #momofboys #journaling #dustyson #dustydaughter #trending ♬ original sound - Bryan
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#1
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JB JB Community Member Follow
This is a very appreciated attribute.
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#2
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James016 James016 Community Member Follow
Would that extend to “no mum, I don’t want to be in your videos”?
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#3
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Nico Nico Community Member Follow
The thing that make me uncomfortable is the underlying idea that all men don't understand any of these things unless taught. I am a man and none of these things have been specifically taught. Most men know how to be a good man, without constantly being talked down upon.
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#4
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Ru Bee Ru Bee Community Member Follow
Eva It is normal, I teach Biology, I teach the boys at my school that everyone has underarm hair after puberty butI still shave mine. It's itchy if I don't.
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#5
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baby frog baby frog Community Member Follow
we’re trying this with my brother. he gets so violent and abusive when upset
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#6
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Kat Lyle Kat Lyle Community Member Follow
Best thing I learnt was write a list together so you both know what you want and need and whether or not you have it because you will check for the stuff you mentioned first.
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#7
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D. Pitbull D. Pitbull Community Member Follow
Yeah... I know more than a few individuals who need this. As in, no, being helpful or considerate *only* within your own narrow scope of "I feel like it now" (but otherwise being insensitive, dismissive or selfish) does not mean you're being mindful and she's being difficult.
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#8
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Connie Bonneville Connie Bonneville Community Member Follow
Installing soft close seats and expecting everyone in the house male or female to close the lid before they flush so a plume of feces doesn't sprinkle the whole bathroom
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#9
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Sonja Sonja Community Member Follow
Can I put myself in the line behind him while you're in the teaching mood? I am terrible with keeping my pantry organized
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#10
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xxx xxx Community Member
Oh no! This is nightmare territory for me. Imagine being forced to watch 'men's' sports and boom just when you think it's over - MORE SPORT! (Joke :) - don't care if it's men or woman sport, I don't want to watch either haha please don't make me)
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#11
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Mikey Kliss Mikey Kliss Community Member Follow
Lol can someone teach my wife this
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#12
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Mark Bayliss Mark Bayliss Community Member Follow
Or just maybe that if you agree to set off at x time, be ready at x time. It is just as disrespectful to not bother about other people's efforts to be ready at the specified time.
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#13
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Ali Sherlock Ali Sherlock Community Member Follow
I get the idea behind this but it's been proven that bed bugs thrive in sheets that are covered by doona's etc...leaving the blankets folded at the end of bed for example is better because the open air is deadly to bed bugs.
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#14
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Panda Kicki Panda Kicki Community Member Follow
Why should she motivate him? If a grown person chooses being a couch potato its their right. Good to have good habits from childhood, but cant see why a partner should be responsible for exercise.
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#15
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Tam illo Tam illo Community Member Follow
I think 200$ serums need justification!
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#16
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Panda Kicki Panda Kicki Community Member Follow
What is "retail theraphy "? Like a shopping spree for mental health? I agree with the cleaning, organizing, period awerness etc, but this confused me.
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Some people believed her views are heteronormative, TikToker responded with a video
@payalforstyle Replying to @dezloves ♬ original sound - Payal Desai
Payal’s videos seemingly split the internet into camps; while some praise the woman, others believe her messages might come across as heteronormative. However, quite a few of them on both sides agree that the things she teaches her boys are valuable life lessons and rules of common decency, which should apply to everyone no matter the circ*mstances.
A piece in the New York Times emphasized that learning manners as a child can bring long-term benefits, as research suggests there’s a positive link between their social skills in kindergarten and success and wellbeing in adulthood.
It also pointed out that praising children for showing sympathy and courtesy, and discussing others’ feelings can help them to develop a sense of empathy. “They’re life skills that help so much with our social and emotional I.Q. — things like recognizing social cues and developing good listening skills,” assistant clinical professor of pediatrics at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City, Dr. Jennifer Trachtenberg, told the New York Times.
A 2012 study revealed that being considerate of others and sharing can bring happiness to children as young as toddlers—before the age of two, kids show greater happiness giving treats to others than getting them themselves. One of the academics behind the research, Lara Aknin, told CNBC that such a positive feeling might encourage the child to act this way in the future as well. “Ideally caregivers can scaffold these opportunities to allow kids to give in meaningful and direct ways that lead kids to feel like they have chosen to help,” she said.
When it comes to children and values, quite a few people believe it’s important to instill a sense of responsibility into them as well. According to Pew Research Center, as much as 93% of surveyed adults in the US agree that teaching kids to be responsible is “especially important” and more than half of them believe it might be more important than other traits and qualities.
Unfortunately, there is no one right way to raise kids, whether it’s a son or daughter. But thanks to the internet, parents can share their insight and experiences, which might be beneficial for other moms and dads out there; or fun to watch, at least. And it seems that Payal’s content on how she raises her boys has quite a few fans, who make sure to show their support in the comments under her videos.
The online community showed support and appreciation to the mom in the comments
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Miglė Miliūtė
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A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.
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Miglė Miliūtė
Writer, BoredPanda staff
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A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.
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Gabija Saveiskyte
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Hi there! I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. My job is to ensure that all the articles are aesthetically pleasing. I get to work with a variety of topics ranging from all the relationship drama to lots and lots of memes and, my personal favorites, funny cute cats. When I am not perfecting the images, you can find me reading with a cup of matcha latte and a cat in my lap, taking photos (of my cat), getting lost in the forest, or simply cuddling with my cat... Did I mention that I love cats?
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Gabija Saveiskyte
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Hi there! I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. My job is to ensure that all the articles are aesthetically pleasing. I get to work with a variety of topics ranging from all the relationship drama to lots and lots of memes and, my personal favorites, funny cute cats. When I am not perfecting the images, you can find me reading with a cup of matcha latte and a cat in my lap, taking photos (of my cat), getting lost in the forest, or simply cuddling with my cat... Did I mention that I love cats?
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What do you think?
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XenoMurph XenoMurph Community Member Follow
So, none of this is about the son's happiness? Every one of these is about how he should behave FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Now I understand that this was done to women for millennia, having to adjust their lives for other people's expectations. Reversing this is not solving the problem.Making his bed so HE feels good about himself.|Writing down his feelings so HE can manage his emotions for HIIMSELF.Understanding menstruation, ok thats fair enough.But making him live every action through the lens of an imaginary future mate is the opposite of a healthy mental state.
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Roman Hans Roman Hans Community Member Follow
Not to mention, what if the son doesn't want a female partner? Seems like he's been groomed for one all his life.
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Connie Bonneville Connie Bonneville Community Member Follow
Teaching my son how to be a normal human being has nothing to do with catering to a woman.
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Chez2202 Chez2202 Community Member Follow
Could it possibly be that she is teaching her son to be a different man than the male role models she’s had in her life that have been catered to by women and she just wants him to not be lazy and take advantage? This hasn’t come from nowhere. I don’t believe for one second that she wants her son to be a doormat but it seems to me that she is teaching from experience.
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Connie Bonneville Connie Bonneville Community Member Follow
If this is why you're teaching your son you're missing the point. Teach him because this is normal human behavior. Except the getting ready part.
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Bekaroo Bekaroo Community Member Follow
She is teaching him that this is normal behavior, it just so happens that it will be helpful to his future partner or anyone else he interacts with, as well. But unfortunately, right now, many of these items are not normal behavior for a lot of men and it makes the people around them miserable and likely makes themselves miserable. We have to start with teaching our sons how to be fully functional, emotionally intelligent adults that have reasonable expectations of the human body.
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XenoMurph XenoMurph Community Member Follow
So, none of this is about the son's happiness? Every one of these is about how he should behave FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Now I understand that this was done to women for millennia, having to adjust their lives for other people's expectations. Reversing this is not solving the problem.Making his bed so HE feels good about himself.|Writing down his feelings so HE can manage his emotions for HIIMSELF.Understanding menstruation, ok thats fair enough.But making him live every action through the lens of an imaginary future mate is the opposite of a healthy mental state.
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Roman Hans Roman Hans Community Member Follow
Not to mention, what if the son doesn't want a female partner? Seems like he's been groomed for one all his life.
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Connie Bonneville Connie Bonneville Community Member Follow
Teaching my son how to be a normal human being has nothing to do with catering to a woman.
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Chez2202 Chez2202 Community Member Follow
Could it possibly be that she is teaching her son to be a different man than the male role models she’s had in her life that have been catered to by women and she just wants him to not be lazy and take advantage? This hasn’t come from nowhere. I don’t believe for one second that she wants her son to be a doormat but it seems to me that she is teaching from experience.
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Connie Bonneville Connie Bonneville Community Member Follow
If this is why you're teaching your son you're missing the point. Teach him because this is normal human behavior. Except the getting ready part.
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Bekaroo Bekaroo Community Member Follow
She is teaching him that this is normal behavior, it just so happens that it will be helpful to his future partner or anyone else he interacts with, as well. But unfortunately, right now, many of these items are not normal behavior for a lot of men and it makes the people around them miserable and likely makes themselves miserable. We have to start with teaching our sons how to be fully functional, emotionally intelligent adults that have reasonable expectations of the human body.
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