by Chelsi
Most parents hope for their kids to succeed in life. Their children's success means they have done a good job preparing them for what lies ahead and it also means their kids won't have to rely on them.
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OP and his wife did the right thing when they dedicated an education savings fund for their two children early on. They didn't foresee just how expensive schooling will be but they still saved $106k for their son and daughter to split in half.
OP told his kids about the money and they can either use it to pay for their college expenses or withdraw it when they turn 21. They advised them to go to a local university where the money would cover most of the expenses.
They left that choice to their kids but explicitly told them it was the last monetary help they would get. OP's son was the first to go to university.
He chose an expensive school where he had to pay rent and the annual tuition was around $27k a year. They tried to talk him out of it because there is a better alternative but he didn't listen and the parents gave up trying to give him advice and told him he has to pay for the path he chose.
On the other hand, their daughter went to an in-state university, lived at home while she studied, and finished her business degree with little to no debt. After 2 years, their son's money ran out and he switched majors which meant another year in school.
He asked OP and his wife for more money but they said they have already helped him out. He got angry but didn't want to get any loans so he started working.
They gave him permission to move in with them during the pandemic for him to save money faster but he lost his job. He found another job quickly but spent his salary buying things online.
He got a better job which paid him well and OP thought he would start saving for college again. This time, their son spent his salary on clothes and video games.
Their daughter is now earning six figures and their son still hasn't saved anything 4 years after he took a break from school.
OP's son feels bad about his situation but instead of improving his situation, he started slacking off even more. He now plays video games all day and smokes weed which caused his job performance to suffer and they fired him.
He gets unemployment benefits but it still isn't enough to save for his tuition fee. He once again asked OP and his wife to just give him the money but they told him again that they had already contributed what they can to the 53k education fund but it was his choice to go to an expensive university.
He reasoned he didn't understand all of those things when he was just 18 years old and it was his parents' fault for letting him go to that university. This wasn't the case because they tried to talk him out of that choice because there was a better alternative but he refused to listen.
OP told him he should apply for a loan so he can study at the in-state university. He didn't want to and said OP should pay for his studies.
He thinks they have treated him unfairly by not giving him more money and this has caused a lot of fights among the family. He lives with them rent-free but refuses to do any chores and parties all night only to disrupt their sleep when he comes home at midnight.
OP and his wife felt like they had no choice but to tell him to move out within three months. Their son recently moved out to stay with his friends.
He was angry and yelled that they will not be invited to his future wedding or see his future children. OP's wife wants to give in and pay for their son's tuition so he doesn't end up becoming such a loser.
Is OP an a**hole for kicking his son out? You can read the full post below:
"It would cover almost all the tuition at our in-state university."
"He wouldn't listen!"
"We told him he could move back during the pandemic."
*Spongebob Narrator Voice* "Four years later..."
The comments said it wouldn't matter if OP will pay for his son's tuition because he will continue on being a loser
Based on his recent history, we highly doubt he will do well in school. He is given countless of opportunities to better himself but he wasted all of them.
He chose a challenging path for himself, nobody forced him to, but instead of rising to the occasion, he floundered
He was given all of the advantage but failed to make anything out of them
He is skipping forward through several impotant steps before he can have that wedding.
He did try very hard to emotionally manipulate and guilt his parents into giving him more money
He and his sister were given the same amount of time and money. One of them made it work while the other is couch-surfing with his friends.
He started placing the blame on his parents when he saw his plans weren't exactly going his way
Like what OP said, his son can take out student loand and work while he's studying if he really wants that degree
The parents did all of the right things here: they saved money for their children's education, gave them advice on where they can maximize the money for the best opportunities, and helped them out during a crisis. One of their kids succeeded while the other one is an entitled loser.
OP and his wife may feel sad and disappointed about how their son turned out but it isn't their fault anymore. They gave him enough warning about the expensive road he chose for himself but he didn't listen; all he has now are empty threats and a degree he can no longer afford.
