by Sophia
OP's older sister, four years senior, has always harbored discomfort and resentment toward him as a younger brother. Her initial reaction to his birth was not exactly pleasant, and she struggled to accept his presence in her life.
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Their parents had hoped that time would heal the rift between them, but the younger brother's traits and behavior only seemed to exacerbate his sister's unease. As a baby, he was loud, often crying, and disrupted her structured daily routine, and her aversion to change, noise, and mess made it difficult for her to adapt to her brother's presence, and she would often shut down emotionally as a coping mechanism.
While the younger brother has since grown quieter throughout the years, his love for music, dancing, and art, along with his occasional messiness, still unnerves his sister. Over time, their parents attempted to foster a closer bond between the two, but the older sister's bluntness revealed her enduring resentment.
Now over 18, the older sister remains at home, unable to move out due to difficulties with self-care and independence. Despite their parents' insistence that she should spend quality time with her brother, she vehemently refuses, preferring solitude in the chaos of a messy room over being in her brother's company.
This refusal has ignited anger from their parents, directed at both siblings. While the older brother attempts to respect his sister's need for distance, he eventually confronted their parents, blaming them for not properly addressing the challenges the older sister faced when he was born.
Just take a look at the original post...
OP's four-year-older autistic sister struggled to accept them as a baby, as her need for structure clashed with their loud and disruptive nature, causing ongoing tension and difficulty adapting to change.
While no longer loud, OP's love for music, art, and occasional messiness during creative projects still disrupts their sister's preference for order and quiet.
Over time, despite their parents' efforts, the sister has consistently rejected any connection.
Sharing a room during a family move intensified their sister's discomfort, making it hard for her to sleep or find comfort when they were present.
Their strained relationship has led her to isolate herself from OP, who she strongly prefers not to spend any time with despite being over 18 and unable to move out due to self-care challenges.
Their parents are angry at both the sister and OP for their strained relationship. OP confronted their parents about their role in their sister's struggles, leading to tension and self-doubt.
Scroll on to see what people have to say...
The parents' neglect of their sister's autism and focus on OP's relationship with her created a hostile environment.
But who could blame her for wanting to dodge a role in this family drama?
They're not the antagonist here.
It's like the parents gave them different puzzle pieces, and neither sibling asked to play this game.
We do hope everything gets better for the both of them!
Their parents deserve Oscars for "Denial and Deflection."
It's like their parents expected their sister's autism to vanish like a magic trick and ended up making both siblings miserable.
Their parents skipped the parenting manual's empathy chapter and went straight to 'divide and conquer siblings.'"
Zero planning, too!
Kudos to OP for having maturity.
Setting boundaries is key!
Showing maturity in understanding their sister instead of being offended is commendable. Props to OP!
You're a good kid, OP!
"You shouldn't feel the need to turn yourself down to accommodate your sister."
OP's wisdom surpasses their parents', who struggled to address their sister's issues and ended up doing her a great disservice.
This would be great.
Time to face the consequences of their 'parenting'!
Bad parenting is where it's at.
OP's resilience and support for their sister in the face of their parents' poor parenting make them the ultimate ally.
Sometimes, giving them a reality check is like trying to teach a cat to swim—unlikely to be well-received, but it doesn't change the fact that it needed to be done.
Speaking the truth illuminated their parents' denial, which naturally made them uncomfortable. It's a case of empathy versus ignorance.
OP's ongoing support for their sister's boundaries may eventually lead to recognition as her advocate.
The parents have done both siblings a disservice.
Their parents need to stop forcing a relationship and focus on understanding their sister's needs as an autistic individual.
It's bizarre when the child has to enlighten the parents about their own mistakes in parenting!
Neurodivergent individuals see the world differently, but a lot of people, especially parents, are still unaware of how to handle their kids who are like this. At the end of the day, though, it is still well within their responsibility to let them adjust accordingly in this world!
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